An Appeal from Chris Martin

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Things I Have Learned This Week

REBEKAH BROOKS

1. It has been a momentous week in the British Media, with the phone-hacking scandal bringing about the closure of the 168 year-old News of the World. Amazingly, while hundreds of journalists who weren't even working on the paper during the period of the allegations may be made unemployed, this woman, who was the paper's editor at the time and now News International's Chief Executive, has so far kept her job. All in all, it's yet another example of a public figure giving us gingers a bad name (see also Raoul Moat, Chucky, Anne Robinson). I feel I should redress the balance with this.

2. The replacement paper for the News of the World on Sundays has been announced. Think it might be a winner with the NOTW devotees... 

3. As the final Harry Potter film premieres, the lead actors console themselves with the knowledge they can now devote more time to their Smallbone Kitchens franchise:

4. Lots of people getting emotional about the last space shuttle mission. Can't understand the fuss myself: 135 launches and never actually been anywhere? I know parking can be difficult when you have a large vehicle, but that's just ridiculous. And now the news that Mission Control are playing Coldplay to the crew to wake them up. Clearly the NASA boffins know f*ck all about music.

5. Ladies and Gentlemen, take your partners for the Shameless Dictator Hoedown:

BFFs - THEY SO DESERVE EACH OTHER

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Things I Have Learned This Week

1. Having long despised Margaret Thatcher, I must admit she went up in my estimation a teensy bit thanks to this.

2. Michael Eavis admits "Joke band" booked to play Glastonbury...

Explanation

3. There are "celebrity" Twitter accounts which are quite clearly not the real celeb, yet tens of thousands of

gormless idiots still follow them. It's as though the name and a photo are enough to feel a connection with their fame. If only I could harness that level of stupidity to make some easy money. I am Banksy, after all.

4. Some interesting news for Star Wars fans, but keep it under your hat.

5. Despite being able to afford any gas-guzzling sports car, Ryan Giggs and other Man Utd players showed their green credentials by using local "Ring and Ride" scheme.

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