Cover Me Bad

A regular-ish feature on this here site is Killer Covers, where I list tracks which I see as standing out from the multitude of cover versions out there. A purely personal choice, of course.

In general, most covers are just a bit meh, but there are others which are notable for all the wrong reasons, through being truly terrible. I have collected a few here, the criteria for inclusion being songs which I love, and therefore I feel an element of personal affrontry. Below each is a link to the original, for anyone in any doubt as to the extent of the musical crime:

1. James Blunt - Fall at Your Feet (cover of Crowded House song)

Now Blunt's pained, Al-Jolson-on-helium voice singing his own whiny, soporific tunes is one thing. Deployed on Neil Finn's dark, beautiful love song it is a whole different ball (bawl) game. Like putting a Michelin-starred meal into a food processor and then serving up patties of sloppy cold effluent.  

Crowded House Original

2. Annie Lennox - Shining Light (cover of Ash Song)

I have to admit I've long had a loathing for Lennox's music, be it her solo stuff or the unfathomably popular Eurythmics. It all just seems so soulless. I'm sure she's a lovely woman and she clearly does a lot of great charity work, but man oh man, this is simply awful. When I first heard it (I think on breakfast TV) it took a while to click that it was the Ash song I knew so well. My overriding feeling when listening is just that it's fucking hilarious.

Ash Original

3. Ellie Goulding - Your Song (cover of Elton John song)

A great, great song, we're all agreed - right? Now imagine if it was sung by a young woman seemingly incapable of conveying any kind of emotional connection with the lyrics, like the disappointing love child of Mr Spock and one of the wives of Stepford: "What is this thing called mu-sic, which humans love so much?" That's what this is like.

Apparently she sang it at Wills and Kate's wedding reception, with Elton looking on. I'm sure he was very gracious and polite, while on the inside pissing himself laughing.

Elton John original

4. Michael Bolton - Yesterday (cover of The Beatles song)

Let's just say right from the off that Michael Bolton has one helluva voice. The trouble is, it only has two settings: - brooding, singing-quite-softly-but-gonna-let-rip-any-minute; and FULL_ON SHOUTY RAUNCHY GRAVELLY WOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! As demonstrated below.

Beatles Original

Daffy Duck Version
5. Blue - Signed, Sealed, Delivered (cover of Stevie Wonder song)

Third rate, even within the depressing genre that is the boy band, Blue somehow managed to persuade Stevie Wonder himself (plus Angie Stone) to appear on this murderous reinterpretation of his classic song. Perhaps he was forced into it by his record company, but it makes me wonder: if supremely talented artists are content to help destroy their own legacy, why should the rest of us care? I still do though.

Stevie Wonder original

6. Duran Duran - Watching the Detectives (cover of Elvis Costello)

Well, this comes from a whole album of covers Duran Duran did in 1995, and it was really tough picking out one track from whatever the opposite of an embarrassment of riches is. The album also includes covers of Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, Lou Reed and Public Enemy. Subsequently voted WORST ALBUM EVER by Q Magazine. I can give no greater endorsement than that.

Elvis Costello original


.

Tweet